Monday, December 13, 2010

Why bother?

I don't know what's happened to me this year. This whole semester I have just felt like the odd one out. I thought I was over that. But yet again here I am again. the more this happens the more I'm petrified that I'm verging extremely close to depression.

Yet again I got left in the lurch on my own. All my friends said they'd be out? Where were they. As has happened before I got left on my own to find other people which luckily I did. I'm sick of this. I may as well become a hermit, I'm practically there anyway.

I will admit that maybe it's partly me too. I don't know what's wrong with me these days. I'm getting upset about everything! I'm more defensive, argumentative and just generally not as laid back as I used to be. This friends thing is not making life easier though. I just want to feel included. is that really so hard to understand. But when I make the effort and noone else does how am I meant to feel.

Or what about the fact that some people just don't seem to want to talk to me at all or bother with me. There people who are meant to be friends who I haven't heard from in weeks.

I'm fucked up. It's as simple as. I'm going to try write in this more. Let my feelings out a little. Bottom line is right now I need people and it appears that noone wants to be there for me.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

I promise I'll be back soon!

I've just realised how long it's been since I have last posted!
I'll be back soon I promise, I've had loads of ideas of what to write about but just never the time to get round to it properly!

I'm sorry and I promise to write a proper entry very soon.

Lots of love,
XxCrazyxAngelxX
XoxoxoxoX

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

In the Summertime....

Well summer has finally arrived. Exams are over, all my stuff is moved back home and I'm sitting in my Dad's office acting as his secretary for the day. For the next 2 and a half months I am completely free from all things study related.

Well I should be...
Instead in two weeks time I will be starting a six week long adventure as a Research Assistant for the NUI Maynooth SPUR (Summer Programme for Undergraduate Research) programme. In some crazy fluke I was picked to be the assistant on one of the History projects. It's all about the tactics used by the the governments of Portugal, Rhodesia and South Africa after 1961 to preserve white-minority rule in their respective territories (Yes I did basically just copy and paste that! :P). I am quite looking forward to this. The information will definitely be fascinating especially for me who was born and lived in Southern Africa and I have done Research projects on the whole aspect of racism in Africa before (Ah Leaving Cert History - Seretse and Ruth Khama thanks for making me pass!). But at the same time getting worried! I can only imagine myself getting completely lost and not having a clue what I am doing! I tend to do that a lot! I'm just going to have to try my hardest and hope that I do not disappoint I guess! I'll try to keep you all updated on how I get on anyway!
Oh and once I finish that I'm straight into working on the NUIM Law Newsletter The Golden Thread so we can have it ready in time to recruit as many First Year Law students to work on it for next year! It's going to be weird not being the youngest next year. I'm going to have to know what I'm doing in Second Year!

I've also got a chance of getting a job this summer hopefully! I have an induction at the Aviva Stadium tomorrow morning at 10am which I am hoping will turn into a job that will pay every so often! I have already had to turn down one job because of SPUR so I need this one! I am sick of having to ask my parents for money all the time. My plan is to save as much of my earnings as I can this summer so that I can pay my way through College for a while next year! The SPUR will get me €1500 so with the hope that after all the necessary expenses like travel have been paid for the rest of the money will hopefully be able to keep me going through as much of First semester that I can manage!

My only other plans for summer are to hopefully buy myself an Oxegen ticket and enjoy that! All in all it won't be a particularly exciting summer but I will make the best of it!

I was going to add more to this about the drama of my birthday but I've decided that that needs a post of it's own so that's up next! :) I'll let you all look forward to that and enjoy summer everyone!

Lotsa Luv!
Síomha aka XxCrazyxAngelxX <3
XoxoxoxoxoxoxoX

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Currently listening to: The silence of my dad's office! Damn computer doesn't have speakers! Although I do have to recommend that everyone looks up the French Eurovision Entry and welcome Summer in with that! It is the ultimate Summer song and should have won! :D
Currently Wearing: My 'not warm enough to go too summery outfit' - black flats, my classic Grey Skinny Jeans from Pennys, my awesome H&M orange leopard print strapless top with my black belt on the waist and the staple black cardigan! Funnily enough apart from the shoes and cardigan everything I'm wearing is all a few years old by now! And even the cardigan and shoes are just new copies of my old falling apart black flats and cardigan! :D Who says new clothes are a necessity? Oh wait, that would be me! :P

Oh the Drama!

I'm presuming that most of you reading this do know me and so most likely heard about the drama that befell my Maynooth Birthday Party last Thursday. For those who didn't let me explain. For most of us Thursday was the day that all our exams finished, and was to be our last night out in Maynooth for the academic year so it was of course a mad night! I had arranged to have a belated birthday party for myself in my friend's apartment because I knew that my roomates still had a Theology exam that they needed to study for.

Quite considerate of me don't you think? Pity my roomates couldn't think in the same way. They had a long break in between their exams so had plenty of free time which meant that they could have their own parties, the nights before Rachel (my other roomate) and I had exams! Luckily I missed most of the party they held before my exam but poor Rachel had to put up with four of them causing as much noise as 40 normal people would! The girls had also previously come into the kitchen where I was clearly studying with friends and decided to shout every word they had to say to each other over us. Us studying could literally could not hear each other over them! it was completely rude but I tried to let it slide along with the disgusting mess that they constantly left the kitchen in, and all the other things that I could rant on for days about!

Anyway Rachel and I decided that a little revenge was necessary after everything we had put up with from them so we decided to visit our own apartment with our (very loud) friends for a few minutes while our darling roomates were studying for their exam that was the next day!

Apparently a very bad idea. The results of that ended up ruining the rest of my night and thus scarring my memories of the end of First Year! Call me depressive but it wasn't nice. Basically as I was walking into the Pub i received a delightful 4 page text from "the girls" calling me "fucking rude" and "childish" and let me know that they had informed the RAs and the caretaker and apparently blamed me on a fire alarm going off that went off while I was in the queue for the pub. And they added a nice mature smiley face at the end too. Well I broke down at that, it was vicious, bitchy and unnecessary. Yes we probably shouldn't have gone downstairs but if they had been paying proper attention they would have also noticed that I was the one who felt bad and then got everyone to leave!

But nope, it was all my fault. As was told to Rachel when she texted the girls and asked them to leave me alone. She was told to stay out of it and to control her childish friends! It didn't end at that either! More texts came through accusing me of all these things that had all been explained rationally before but no all they had to say was "its real cute the way you try to be cool but it will cost ya dont worry. weve put up with alot of stuff but you just blew it this time" and "dont be turning this around on us its you who has been the problem and well you know it." I was also accused of stealing loads of food from them and all kinds of shite. I swear to you all that the most food I have taken from them was a bit of butter or a drop of milk. I don't know what fairyland these girls have been living in! Clearly they hated me all year long!

That was my limit then. I had been hurt enough and my night was ruined. All I wanted to do was pack my stuff up and go back home to Wicklow, as far away from them as possible! As soon as I got home that night I started packing, I had to make myself go to sleep! Those texts are now going to be what I remember from my first birthday in Maynooth, and the end of first year. I can barely remember the good memories now!

The funniest thing about this whole drama is that the next day I got 'nice' text messages from two of them when they realised that their deposit was at risk and that they needed the apartment clean! There was no sign of bitchiness then!

I'm sure I could go on for much longer but I won't. You have heard enough! I would love to show you all the whole messages but it's just not worth it! I'm trying my best to get over it but I don't get over these things easily so just bear with me I guess! :)

Oh and One more thing. I asked the caretaker about the accusations the next day and he didn't have a clue what I was talking about! So either the girls made it up or he didn't care! Either way nothing "cost me" like the girls claimed it would!

Anywho Luv you all as always! :)

Síomha aka XxCrazyxAngelxX <3
XoxoxoxoxoxoxoX

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Currently listening to: and Currently Wearing: Nothing has changed in the two mins between this post and the last! :)

Monday, May 24, 2010

A letter

Dear Admin Law,

I would just like to let you know that you suck. and if you stop me getting into law next year I will never forgive you. Now I
must head to bed so I can get three, maybe four, hours sleep so I can also get up early to study for your damn 9.30 am exam.

To summarise you owe me!

Lots of love,
Siomha


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As I'm sure you can guess, I am very stressed right now! I have realised that I do not have a clue for my exam tomorrow! I am absolutely dreading it right now!

Three days and my exams will all be over! I can not wait!

That's all for now, Just wanted a little stress relief!

As said above I need to get to sleep!

Night guys! :)

Luv ya all! :)

Síomha aka XxCrazyxAngelxX <3

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Currently listening to: Nothing! they only thing going through my head is how little I understand Admin Law! Very depressing! :)
Currently Wearing: Only just home after 13 hours away so am still wearing what I have been wearing all day which is my my classic black tights, black shorts, my purple check shirt and a lovely belt stolen off Mammy to cinch in my waist and complete the look! Even that was too warm of an outfit today though! Heat is not a good thing when studying!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Birthdays and Exams should not be allowed to clash!

So a few people have mentioned that they read this recently so I thought I better update it! hope you enjoy and welcome new readers! :)

So I'm sure you can guess from the title that it's Exam season as well as my birthday! Well it was my birthday two days ago! That just feels like forever now though considering that that day and yesterday just consisted on studying an early mornings with an Exam today! It's one of those "the days are going so fast but so slow!" kind of moments! It also doesn't help when I'm having to get up at 6am after less than four hours sleep!

So for the second year in a row my birthday has been pushed aside whilst exam take priority! And that they are definitely doing! I have been getting very stressed out this month trying to study and feeling as if this all looks far too new to me.

Study has always been my downfall. It's not something that comes naturally although I must note that I have improved since last years Leaving Cert Disaster and even since the Christmas Exams! Which is more than a welcome improvement. I think if nothing else the Leaving Cert gave me a huge wake up call! I didn't get anywhere near the points that I wanted and know I could have gotten if I'd actually put in effort and it is my aim for the next few years to completely make up for that and prove that I am not completely useless!

So far I have had two exams with the next one in exactly 4 hours and 57 minutes. The first one, Contract Law, could have gone much better and considering I need an average of 60 between all my law exams to do it in second year, "could have gone much better" is not really enough. Thus why I really need to kick ass in my Constitutional Law Exam today and my Administrative Law exam on Monday. I can see the stress really getting to me as well. A lot of people have been snapped at in the last few days! For which I apologise greatly to all! The pressure is getting to me. It tends to do that when you can see your dreams swinging back of forth in front of you just out of reach. My one reassurance is that between my 61 and 72 from last semester I have a bit of leeway in the whole getting the 60 drama. I just hope I can keep it up!

I don't know when exactly I decided I wanted to study Law but In know it happened when I started rethinking those dreams of medicine I had had as a young kid. I'm pretty sure that my dad doing an arbitration degree definitely had an effect anyway! And working in a huge law firm only fuelled my ambition!

One day I will be the kick ass lawyer that I want to be be, it's just a pity that it's so hard to get to that stage! I love the subject, the exams not so much!

I'm sure I could say plenty more but I think I shall leave it at this. The Doctrine of Unenumerated Rights is warning me that I only have 4 hours and 35 minutes left to give it some attention!

Good luck to anyone doing exams. I hope everyone does well! :)

As always, Lots of luv,

Síomha aka XxCrazyxAngelxX <3>
XoxoxoxoxoxoxoX

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Currently listening to: The cars outside! Suprising the activity outside for 7.50 in the morning! I would usually be dead to the world in bed at this time. Already been up an hour and 20 minutes today though! :( Also have a bit of YouMeAtSix's version of Pokerface stuck in my head!
Currently Wearing: My Comfy pyjamas! I'm still sitting in bed! :D Must get out soon so i can find something to wear and to get studying!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

"that" friend

You know the way in every group there's always the friend that's kind of left out of the group. The one who's tolerated but everyone else isn't bothered whether they're there or not? They're just there in the background.

All too often I feel like "that" friend. Maybe it's from my own doing or maybe my friends really don't care, but I'm sick of feeling this way. I just feel like my friends don't even want to make an effort to talk to me sometimes.

Last night one of my best friends came home on holidays from studying abroad and we all went out for a night out. Considering I've been missing her loads I was really looking forward to seeing and talking to her! Did I get to? Barely. Even when sitting next to her noone tried to involve me in conversation, I was just the third wheel watching my three best friends gossip away. And when I did end up alone with one of them, she just wanted to find the other two, looking all over the whole club for them. And this isn't recent, I've always been the one that is left out. Gossip never reaches me unless mentioned in conversation ages later. Noone ever just wants to talk to me.

It's not like I don't try, admittedly maybe I should text more but that's a two way street. All the same I'll try talk to my friends when I can, have fun etc. but I get the impression that their best times are always when I'm not there. The three girls are just that, the three of them, I'm just the extra load and that has been proved to me. The one time I did get upset about something, which was a bout a whole lot more than what they thought, i basically got attacked and told everything I'd done wrong. My side wasn't even taken into account and I was just upset more about something that hadn't even been in my head before. Thanks for that girls, still haven't forgotten how hurt i was.

I really don't know what to do. Am I imagining this or just being a drama queen? Maybe it really is there. All I know is this feeling has hit me too many times in the last year. I don't want to be "that" friend.

I apologise for the rant or whatever this was but I needed to write this down. Whether the girls will even see this or know what I'm on about I just don't know. It's out now and that's all that can be done.

I really thought I was through this stage in my life. I thought I was finally happy, why shouldn't I be, my life is going right. But yet here I am sitting in my room in tears. Again. Myabe one day I will have a life with no problems, please just let it be soon.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Update!

Got an email from the library a while ago. I'll show you what it says:

Meditations on first philosophy in focus (Descartes)


Siomha,
Following a conversation with Catherine in Student Records the Library has agreed to clear the above item from your borrower account.
We would advise however that you check your borrower account regularly(My Library Card on Library catalogue page).


Looks like someone has done their job right thank god! I was getting severely stressed over that! So everything is sorted now and Síomha can be happy! :)

Luv as always!

Síomha aka XxCrazyxAngelxX <3
XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX

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Currently listening to: Nothing because I'm meant to be working on my sociology but I can hear everyone talking outside and I have Remedy by Little Boots stuck in my head!
Currently Wearing: Same as earlier though I might be changing in a bit if I end up going out!

A Rant!

Be prepared, I am pissed off! Not having a good day today despite the fact it's RAG week this week1! Otherwise known as the most epic party week of the college year! Yet here I am stuck inside trying to make myself get my History and Sociology assignments done, not to mention the 2000 Moot Court memorial I need to get a start on! A very unfair move by the lecturers to give us assignments due this week! And yes I do realise that it's my own fault I didn't start and finish these earlier!

But that's not even what my rant is about! The library are really trying to get at me right now! I received an email about a week or two ago telling me that I had a book due back to them that I had never heard of! It was some philosophy book which would have no relevance to my subjects of law, history and sociology. So I said fine and calmly rang the library to explain the situation in the hope they could sort it out. This was an impossible occurrence to them, it was apparently taken out on my card which isn't possible considering I had my card but I stayed calm and they told me they would try see what they could do and ring me back.

Now I better clarify at this point that i did lose my purse before Christmas and everything in it including my student card! But as soon as I returned to college for exams in January I went straight to the registration office to replace my card. The book was only taken out on February 2nd. i'm pretty sure I wasn't in the library around then either!

I never heard back from the library. So today while in the library I remembered the problem and went up to the front desk to see if everything was now ok. I waited twenty minutes while the librarian spoke to one of his colleagues only for her to come up to me and tell me that because the book was taken out on my card, it is therefore my responsibility and if I don't have the book (which we had clearly established I didn't!) I have to pay to replace the book - a minimum fee of €30. What student has that much money to spare?! I only have about €18 in my bank account!

Now Síomha is not happy! This ruined a day which could've been alright! So off I went in search of help. First stop the registration office to see if my old student card had been cancelled which it should of been. They're currently checking up on that for me and I'm waiting to hear back. I've also spoken to the head of the Law Society who has advised me to talk to the head librarian that he knows and then I went to the President of the Student Union who has now promised me that he will try sort out the problem. I really hope he does or there will be war!

So there's my rant i'm hoping this will all be sorted and be fine! On the plus side did my first ECDL module today and got 97% - beat that Mma Makutsi! Only those of you who have read the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency books will get that one! :D Check out the link though!

Luv ya as always!

Síomha aka XxCrazyxAngelxX <3
XoxoxoxoxoxoxoX

P.S. I might have some new outfits up soon!

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Currently listening to: When You're Looking Like That - Westlife (It was playing in the SU, I couldn't resist. Childhood memories you know?! :D)
Currently Wearing: Pink Penguin socks (:D), my fave purple skinnies, this savage long white top with a face on it, coloured in pink and purple that i got for only €3 in noname, and a silver scarf.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Oxegen 2010 Line up!

The first acts playing Oxegen 2010 have been released! Yay! :)
Now so far there's not many playing that I want to see but the ones that are I REALLY want to go to! They're all bands I've
missed playing in Ireland before and had really wanted to go see!

The Line up according to "http://www.gigwise.com/festivals/52869/2010-Oxegen-Festival-Line-Up" is:

Eminem
Muse
Kasabian
Jay-Z
Black Eyed Peas
The Prodigy
Florence & The Machine
Paolo Nutini
Faithless
Stereophonics
David Guetta
Vampire Weekend
John Mayer
Calvin Harris
Newton Faulkner
Gossip
Temper Trap
Empire Of The Sun
Goldfrapp
La Roux
Wolfmother
Rise Against
The Coral
Broken Social Scene
Ellie Goulding
Two Door Cinema Club
Armand Van Helden
Steve Angelo
Simian Mobile Disco
Erol Alkan
Steve Aoki
A Trak And Aeroplane


Not all that bad of a line up, seeing Rise Against, Muse and Vampire Weekend would be awesome though! I'm going to have to think about whether I want to pay the €200 or so it's gonna cost me for a ticket though! If they all play the same day that would be perfect! Hopefully more good bands will be announced and then I will defo go!

Oxegen last summer was brilliant but the line up wasn't the best so I've decided if I'm paying for a ticket this year (got the ticket for my birthday from Conor last year!) I have to make sure that it's worth it! I also need to make sure I have the money!

Well here's hoping anyway! I shall love you and leave you now!

Síomha aka XxCrazyxAngelxX <3>
XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX

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Currently Listening to: Prayer of the Refugee - Rise Against
Currently Wearing: My favourite grey skinnies, a pretty brown dress with cute little mushrooms on it and my lovely warm Roxy jacket

Myself at the Oxegen headphone disco last year, twas awesome!

Well it's been a while!

Wow I nearly forgot about this blog! I've been up to so much these days. Not in 6th year anymore! I'm officially a College student! Didn't do as well in the Leaving as I'd hope (aka nowhere near the points for law!) but thank god for NUI Maynooth and Arts ! I can do law here as an arts subject! Just need to get 60% in my exams to qualify to do law in second year. If I get it I can transfer into Law (BCL) and Arts which is exactly what i wanted anyway - A Law and History degree! So it's an a Arts degree I'm doing at the moment - Law, history and Sociology. Yea yea bring on the Arts jokes!. I'm getting my law results for Christmas this week so fingers crossed though to be honest I don't think it's looking hopeful! I'm just praying a miracle happens really! I did alright in History and Sociology so either I've had my fill of good results or I'm in for a full run of success! :D

So I'm all grown up now! It's kind of scary! My baby brother is even going to be a teenager in two weeks! This isn't right! Think it's worse for my mum, she'll have three teenagers for a year and two months! I'm living up in Maynooth now too. On campus, which rocks, with four other girls, three third years and another first year. The third years are seriously stress inducing! The concept of cleaning really doesn't seem to enter their heads! And they are currently locked right now, laughing at the top of their voices. lovely...

Ah I'm just being too miserable. being sick sucks. :( I've had a kidney infection for the last two weeks that they've only just worked out what it is so my energy is really being taken from me. but I got to see Conor tonight which was nice :). He's in DCU, which is a bit tough sometimes because I normally only get to see him about twice a week but we're coping! One of us will stay in the others on Thursday nights and then we'll see each other at the weekends too. But tonight he was on a mystery tour for someone's (who he didn't know!) 21st and ended up in all places but Mantra in Maynooth! It was completely random but so nice to see him because I haven't seen him since Saturday and not properly since last Thursday considering I was so sick on Sat I was just completely out of it. We've had two fights since then which weren't great so seeing Conor was just really nice tonight even though I didn't get to see him for long and he was pretty drunk! :D

Well I think I've rambled on enough for tonight. Considering it's half two I think it's time for bed! Gotta make my 11am lecture! :(

Thanks for reading!
Luv ya!
XxCrazyxAngelxX <3

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Currently Listening to: Tik Tok parody - The Midnight Beast feat St£fan
Currently wearing: just my jammies tonight! and Conor's DCU jumper :)