"that" friend

You know the way in every group there's always the friend that's kind of left out of the group. The one who's tolerated but everyone else isn't bothered whether they're there or not? They're just there in the background.

All too often I feel like "that" friend. Maybe it's from my own doing or maybe my friends really don't care, but I'm sick of feeling this way. I just feel like my friends don't even want to make an effort to talk to me sometimes.

Last night one of my best friends came home on holidays from studying abroad and we all went out for a night out. Considering I've been missing her loads I was really looking forward to seeing and talking to her! Did I get to? Barely. Even when sitting next to her noone tried to involve me in conversation, I was just the third wheel watching my three best friends gossip away. And when I did end up alone with one of them, she just wanted to find the other two, looking all over the whole club for them. And this isn't recent, I've always been the one that is left out. Gossip never reaches me unless mentioned in conversation ages later. Noone ever just wants to talk to me.

It's not like I don't try, admittedly maybe I should text more but that's a two way street. All the same I'll try talk to my friends when I can, have fun etc. but I get the impression that their best times are always when I'm not there. The three girls are just that, the three of them, I'm just the extra load and that has been proved to me. The one time I did get upset about something, which was a bout a whole lot more than what they thought, i basically got attacked and told everything I'd done wrong. My side wasn't even taken into account and I was just upset more about something that hadn't even been in my head before. Thanks for that girls, still haven't forgotten how hurt i was.

I really don't know what to do. Am I imagining this or just being a drama queen? Maybe it really is there. All I know is this feeling has hit me too many times in the last year. I don't want to be "that" friend.

I apologise for the rant or whatever this was but I needed to write this down. Whether the girls will even see this or know what I'm on about I just don't know. It's out now and that's all that can be done.

I really thought I was through this stage in my life. I thought I was finally happy, why shouldn't I be, my life is going right. But yet here I am sitting in my room in tears. Again. Myabe one day I will have a life with no problems, please just let it be soon.

Update!

Got an email from the library a while ago. I'll show you what it says:

Meditations on first philosophy in focus (Descartes)


Siomha,
Following a conversation with Catherine in Student Records the Library has agreed to clear the above item from your borrower account.
We would advise however that you check your borrower account regularly(My Library Card on Library catalogue page).

Looks like someone has done their job right thank god! I was getting severely stressed over that! So everything is sorted now and Síomha can be happy! :)

Luv as always!

Síomha aka XxCrazyxAngelxX <3

XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX

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Currently listening to: Nothing because I'm meant to be working on my sociology but I can hear everyone talking outside and I have Remedy by Little Boots stuck in my head!

Currently Wearing: Same as earlier though I might be changing in a bit if I end up going out!

A Rant!

Be prepared, I am pissed off! Not having a good day today despite the fact it's RAG week this week1! Otherwise known as the most epic party week of the college year! Yet here I am stuck inside trying to make myself get my History and Sociology assignments done, not to mention the 2000 Moot Court memorial I need to get a start on! A very unfair move by the lecturers to give us assignments due this week! And yes I do realise that it's my own fault I didn't start and finish these earlier!

But that's not even what my rant is about! The library are really trying to get at me right now! I received an email about a week or two ago telling me that I had a book due back to them that I had never heard of! It was some philosophy book which would have no relevance to my subjects of law, history and sociology. So I said fine and calmly rang the library to explain the situation in the hope they could sort it out. This was an impossible occurrence to them, it was apparently taken out on my card which isn't possible considering I had my card but I stayed calm and they told me they would try see what they could do and ring me back.

Now I better clarify at this point that i did lose my purse before Christmas and everything in it including my student card! But as soon as I returned to college for exams in January I went straight to the registration office to replace my card. The book was only taken out on February 2nd. i'm pretty sure I wasn't in the library around then either!

I never heard back from the library. So today while in the library I remembered the problem and went up to the front desk to see if everything was now ok. I waited twenty minutes while the librarian spoke to one of his colleagues only for her to come up to me and tell me that because the book was taken out on my card, it is therefore my responsibility and if I don't have the book (which we had clearly established I didn't!) I have to pay to replace the book - a minimum fee of €30. What student has that much money to spare?! I only have about €18 in my bank account!

Now Síomha is not happy! This ruined a day which could've been alright! So off I went in search of help. First stop the registration office to see if my old student card had been cancelled which it should of been. They're currently checking up on that for me and I'm waiting to hear back. I've also spoken to the head of the Law Society who has advised me to talk to the head librarian that he knows and then I went to the President of the Student Union who has now promised me that he will try sort out the problem. I really hope he does or there will be war!

So there's my rant i'm hoping this will all be sorted and be fine! On the plus side did my first ECDL module today and got 97% - beat that Mma Makutsi! Only those of you who have read the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency books will get that one! :D Check out the link though!

Luv ya as always!

Síomha aka XxCrazyxAngelxX <3

XoxoxoxoxoxoxoX

P.S. I might have some new outfits up soon!

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Currently listening to: When You're Looking Like That - Westlife (It was playing in the SU, I couldn't resist. Childhood memories you know?! :D)

Currently Wearing: Pink Penguin socks (:D), my fave purple skinnies, this savage long white top with a face on it, coloured in pink and purple that i got for only €3 in noname, and a silver scarf.