"that" friend

You know the way in every group there's always the friend that's kind of left out of the group. The one who's tolerated but everyone else isn't bothered whether they're there or not? They're just there in the background.

All too often I feel like "that" friend. Maybe it's from my own doing or maybe my friends really don't care, but I'm sick of feeling this way. I just feel like my friends don't even want to make an effort to talk to me sometimes.

Last night one of my best friends came home on holidays from studying abroad and we all went out for a night out. Considering I've been missing her loads I was really looking forward to seeing and talking to her! Did I get to? Barely. Even when sitting next to her noone tried to involve me in conversation, I was just the third wheel watching my three best friends gossip away. And when I did end up alone with one of them, she just wanted to find the other two, looking all over the whole club for them. And this isn't recent, I've always been the one that is left out. Gossip never reaches me unless mentioned in conversation ages later. Noone ever just wants to talk to me.

It's not like I don't try, admittedly maybe I should text more but that's a two way street. All the same I'll try talk to my friends when I can, have fun etc. but I get the impression that their best times are always when I'm not there. The three girls are just that, the three of them, I'm just the extra load and that has been proved to me. The one time I did get upset about something, which was a bout a whole lot more than what they thought, i basically got attacked and told everything I'd done wrong. My side wasn't even taken into account and I was just upset more about something that hadn't even been in my head before. Thanks for that girls, still haven't forgotten how hurt i was.

I really don't know what to do. Am I imagining this or just being a drama queen? Maybe it really is there. All I know is this feeling has hit me too many times in the last year. I don't want to be "that" friend.

I apologise for the rant or whatever this was but I needed to write this down. Whether the girls will even see this or know what I'm on about I just don't know. It's out now and that's all that can be done.

I really thought I was through this stage in my life. I thought I was finally happy, why shouldn't I be, my life is going right. But yet here I am sitting in my room in tears. Again. Myabe one day I will have a life with no problems, please just let it be soon.