Why bother?

I don't know what's happened to me this year. This whole semester I have just felt like the odd one out. I thought I was over that. But yet again here I am again. the more this happens the more I'm petrified that I'm verging extremely close to depression.

Yet again I got left in the lurch on my own. All my friends said they'd be out? Where were they. As has happened before I got left on my own to find other people which luckily I did. I'm sick of this. I may as well become a hermit, I'm practically there anyway.

I will admit that maybe it's partly me too. I don't know what's wrong with me these days. I'm getting upset about everything! I'm more defensive, argumentative and just generally not as laid back as I used to be. This friends thing is not making life easier though. I just want to feel included. is that really so hard to understand. But when I make the effort and noone else does how am I meant to feel.

Or what about the fact that some people just don't seem to want to talk to me at all or bother with me. There people who are meant to be friends who I haven't heard from in weeks.

I'm fucked up. It's as simple as. I'm going to try write in this more. Let my feelings out a little. Bottom line is right now I need people and it appears that noone wants to be there for me.