"that" friend

You know the way in every group there's always the friend that's kind of left out of the group. The one who's tolerated but everyone else isn't bothered whether they're there or not? They're just there in the background.

All too often I feel like "that" friend. Maybe it's from my own doing or maybe my friends really don't care, but I'm sick of feeling this way. I just feel like my friends don't even want to make an effort to talk to me sometimes.

Last night one of my best friends came home on holidays from studying abroad and we all went out for a night out. Considering I've been missing her loads I was really looking forward to seeing and talking to her! Did I get to? Barely. Even when sitting next to her noone tried to involve me in conversation, I was just the third wheel watching my three best friends gossip away. And when I did end up alone with one of them, she just wanted to find the other two, looking all over the whole club for them. And this isn't recent, I've always been the one that is left out. Gossip never reaches me unless mentioned in conversation ages later. Noone ever just wants to talk to me.

It's not like I don't try, admittedly maybe I should text more but that's a two way street. All the same I'll try talk to my friends when I can, have fun etc. but I get the impression that their best times are always when I'm not there. The three girls are just that, the three of them, I'm just the extra load and that has been proved to me. The one time I did get upset about something, which was a bout a whole lot more than what they thought, i basically got attacked and told everything I'd done wrong. My side wasn't even taken into account and I was just upset more about something that hadn't even been in my head before. Thanks for that girls, still haven't forgotten how hurt i was.

I really don't know what to do. Am I imagining this or just being a drama queen? Maybe it really is there. All I know is this feeling has hit me too many times in the last year. I don't want to be "that" friend.

I apologise for the rant or whatever this was but I needed to write this down. Whether the girls will even see this or know what I'm on about I just don't know. It's out now and that's all that can be done.

I really thought I was through this stage in my life. I thought I was finally happy, why shouldn't I be, my life is going right. But yet here I am sitting in my room in tears. Again. Myabe one day I will have a life with no problems, please just let it be soon.

Update!

Got an email from the library a while ago. I'll show you what it says:

Meditations on first philosophy in focus (Descartes)


Siomha,
Following a conversation with Catherine in Student Records the Library has agreed to clear the above item from your borrower account.
We would advise however that you check your borrower account regularly(My Library Card on Library catalogue page).

Looks like someone has done their job right thank god! I was getting severely stressed over that! So everything is sorted now and Síomha can be happy! :)

Luv as always!

Síomha aka XxCrazyxAngelxX <3

XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX

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Currently listening to: Nothing because I'm meant to be working on my sociology but I can hear everyone talking outside and I have Remedy by Little Boots stuck in my head!

Currently Wearing: Same as earlier though I might be changing in a bit if I end up going out!

A Rant!

Be prepared, I am pissed off! Not having a good day today despite the fact it's RAG week this week1! Otherwise known as the most epic party week of the college year! Yet here I am stuck inside trying to make myself get my History and Sociology assignments done, not to mention the 2000 Moot Court memorial I need to get a start on! A very unfair move by the lecturers to give us assignments due this week! And yes I do realise that it's my own fault I didn't start and finish these earlier!

But that's not even what my rant is about! The library are really trying to get at me right now! I received an email about a week or two ago telling me that I had a book due back to them that I had never heard of! It was some philosophy book which would have no relevance to my subjects of law, history and sociology. So I said fine and calmly rang the library to explain the situation in the hope they could sort it out. This was an impossible occurrence to them, it was apparently taken out on my card which isn't possible considering I had my card but I stayed calm and they told me they would try see what they could do and ring me back.

Now I better clarify at this point that i did lose my purse before Christmas and everything in it including my student card! But as soon as I returned to college for exams in January I went straight to the registration office to replace my card. The book was only taken out on February 2nd. i'm pretty sure I wasn't in the library around then either!

I never heard back from the library. So today while in the library I remembered the problem and went up to the front desk to see if everything was now ok. I waited twenty minutes while the librarian spoke to one of his colleagues only for her to come up to me and tell me that because the book was taken out on my card, it is therefore my responsibility and if I don't have the book (which we had clearly established I didn't!) I have to pay to replace the book - a minimum fee of €30. What student has that much money to spare?! I only have about €18 in my bank account!

Now Síomha is not happy! This ruined a day which could've been alright! So off I went in search of help. First stop the registration office to see if my old student card had been cancelled which it should of been. They're currently checking up on that for me and I'm waiting to hear back. I've also spoken to the head of the Law Society who has advised me to talk to the head librarian that he knows and then I went to the President of the Student Union who has now promised me that he will try sort out the problem. I really hope he does or there will be war!

So there's my rant i'm hoping this will all be sorted and be fine! On the plus side did my first ECDL module today and got 97% - beat that Mma Makutsi! Only those of you who have read the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency books will get that one! :D Check out the link though!

Luv ya as always!

Síomha aka XxCrazyxAngelxX <3

XoxoxoxoxoxoxoX

P.S. I might have some new outfits up soon!

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Currently listening to: When You're Looking Like That - Westlife (It was playing in the SU, I couldn't resist. Childhood memories you know?! :D)

Currently Wearing: Pink Penguin socks (:D), my fave purple skinnies, this savage long white top with a face on it, coloured in pink and purple that i got for only €3 in noname, and a silver scarf.

Oxegen 2010 Line up!

The first acts playing Oxegen 2010 have been released! Yay! :)
Now so far there's not many playing that I want to see but the ones that are I REALLY want to go to! They're all bands I've missed playing in Ireland before and had really wanted to go see!

The Line up according to "http://www.gigwise.com/festivals/52869/2010-Oxegen-Festival-Line-Up" is:

Eminem
Muse
Kasabian
Jay-Z
Black Eyed Peas
The Prodigy
Florence & The Machine
Paolo Nutini
Faithless
Stereophonics
David Guetta
Vampire Weekend
John Mayer
Calvin Harris
Newton Faulkner
Gossip
Temper Trap
Empire Of The Sun
Goldfrapp
La Roux
Wolfmother
Rise Against
The Coral
Broken Social Scene
Ellie Goulding
Two Door Cinema Club
Armand Van Helden
Steve Angelo
Simian Mobile Disco
Erol Alkan
Steve Aoki
A Trak And Aeroplane

Not all that bad of a line up, seeing Rise Against, Muse and Vampire Weekend would be awesome though! I'm going to have to think about whether I want to pay the €200 or so it's gonna cost me for a ticket though! If they all play the same day that would be perfect! Hopefully more good bands will be announced and then I will defo go!

Oxegen last summer was brilliant but the line up wasn't the best so I've decided if I'm paying for a ticket this year (got the ticket for my birthday from Conor last year!) I have to make sure that it's worth it! I also need to make sure I have the money!

Well here's hoping anyway! I shall love you and leave you now!

Síomha aka XxCrazyxAngelxX <3>
XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX

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Currently Listening to: Prayer of the Refugee - Rise Against
Currently Wearing: My favourite grey skinnies, a pretty brown dress with cute little mushrooms on it and my lovely warm Roxy jacket

Myself at the Oxegen headphone disco last year, twas awesome!

Well it's been a while!

Wow I nearly forgot about this blog! I've been up to so much these days. Not in 6th year anymore! I'm officially a College student! Didn't do as well in the Leaving as I'd hope (aka nowhere near the points for law!) but thank god for NUI Maynooth and Arts ! I can do law here as an arts subject! Just need to get 60% in my exams to qualify to do law in second year. If I get it I can transfer into Law (BCL) and Arts which is exactly what i wanted anyway - A Law and History degree! So it's an a Arts degree I'm doing at the moment - Law, history and Sociology. Yea yea bring on the Arts jokes!. I'm getting my law results for Christmas this week so fingers crossed though to be honest I don't think it's looking hopeful! I'm just praying a miracle happens really! I did alright in History and Sociology so either I've had my fill of good results or I'm in for a full run of success! :D

So I'm all grown up now! It's kind of scary! My baby brother is even going to be a teenager in two weeks! This isn't right! Think it's worse for my mum, she'll have three teenagers for a year and two months! I'm living up in Maynooth now too. On campus, which rocks, with four other girls, three third years and another first year. The third years are seriously stress inducing! The concept of cleaning really doesn't seem to enter their heads! And they are currently locked right now, laughing at the top of their voices. lovely...

Ah I'm just being too miserable. being sick sucks. :( I've had a kidney infection for the last two weeks that they've only just worked out what it is so my energy is really being taken from me. but I got to see Conor tonight which was nice :). He's in DCU, which is a bit tough sometimes because I normally only get to see him about twice a week but we're coping! One of us will stay in the others on Thursday nights and then we'll see each other at the weekends too. But tonight he was on a mystery tour for someone's (who he didn't know!) 21st and ended up in all places but Mantra in Maynooth! It was completely random but so nice to see him because I haven't seen him since Saturday and not properly since last Thursday considering I was so sick on Sat I was just completely out of it. We've had two fights since then which weren't great so seeing Conor was just really nice tonight even though I didn't get to see him for long and he was pretty drunk! :D

Well I think I've rambled on enough for tonight. Considering it's half two I think it's time for bed! Gotta make my 11am lecture! :(

Thanks for reading!
Luv ya!
XxCrazyxAngelxX <3

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Currently Listening to: Tik Tok parody - The Midnight Beast feat St£fan
Currently wearing: just my jammies tonight! and Conor's DCU jumper :)

more outfits.....

Got a few more outfits to show you :D

5th April
Just a lazy day. Went to Conor's house, didn't do much lol. Did get to wear my new cardigan and my NYC buys though! :D
Sorry the pics not too clear!

• The cardigan is of course Pennys - only €11. How could I say no?!
• The top is quite obviously from New York. Bought in the Empire State building. I just fell in love with the top. It's so cool. The neon on black and of course the face that it's from the best city ever! I wanna go back! When I finish college I AM going to become an NYC girl!
• The black skinny jeans are either H&M or New Look. I have 2 pairs and can never tell the difference!
• You can't see my shoes properly! :( I found em in the Hot Topic outlet store in Jersey Gardens for like $20. They are soo cute! Pink with leopard print! They also say drop dead on them but hey noone notices that!

13th April

Easter Holidays and I'm in school learning Biology. How fun.... So i decided to dress up quite fun! Bringing back the childhood! :D

• My favourite Tshirt ever! It's got Dipsy on it! Too adorable for words! Gotta love New Look's kookiness!
• Purple jeans! :D My only buy from Stradavarius in Dublin. They are quite fabulous me thinks!
• Got my trademark scarf on of course. Purple to match the jeans!
• and my multicoloured holes belt!
• And my babies - my Steve Madden boots!

So now you're up to date on my fab style! :D

Siomha must go study now. Less than 7 weeks til the Leaving Cert! I'm soooo scared! Would help if I'd tried to study before now though! Ah well! What happens, happens!

Finally! :D

Yes I have taken my time! I do apologise! I've just been Trés distracted with the Leaving Cert and whatnot.
But fear not! I did take pics of some of my fave outfits recently. The quality isn't great but hey I tried! :D


Welcome to my Mirror! (And the mess in front of it!)



March 23rd

Not sure what this outfit was for but I like it!




Going back to my Childhood with the whole top over Tshirt style! It's a fun outfit!

• The tops are from H&M about a year ago
• The Jeans are my absolute favourite and were a Penny's steal at €17!
• The pink bow and black boots were also Penny's buys! I love those boots but I wouldn't advise wearing em in the rain! My feet got utterly drowned today!
• I'm also wearing my classic multicoloured belt. A Great buy from clockhouse in Portugal and although you can't really see them I'm wearing really cute pink and black wristwarmers from Claires too.
  

Of course being me I had too match my make up accordingly too so it was teal eyeliner lining my eyes with pink on my lids!

29th March

Next up one of my friend's 18th! I wasn't planning on going out so I didnt dress up too dressy but I of course still made an attempt!

Perfect opportunity for coloured tights! The basics of this outfit are great for a 'casual' night out! the grey top, black shorts and my darling grey boots are just perfect and then all I need is some great tights and a matching scarf! And matching eyeshadow too of course!

• The top is an old sale buy from AWear that I recently rediscovered
• The shorts were a summer buy from Debenhams but I think they are Warehouse
• The boots are my babies! I got them in Macy's in New York in February for less than $70 and I've been in Love with them since! I wear them constantly! They are Steve Madden Tianna boots in Grey
• The scarf? Guess where? Pennys of course!
• The tights are also courtesy of Pennys. They are actually 2 pairs of tights. A pinky purple pair with a purple lace pair over them. Just a random idea of mine!

4th April

Went shopping in Dublin with Conor! Bought a gorgeous pinafore in Topshop and a cute boyfriend cardigan from the fabulous Pennys. I shall put pics up of them another time!

As you can see from the reflection of the window outside it was suprisingly nice weather so i decided to embrace the sun a dress a little summery!

• The top is a great New Look top and I'm wearing a DKNY Jeans waistcoat over it that I found in TK Maxx - I love the finds I get in that store!
• I'm also wearing a cute Roxy skirt that i got in the Quicksilver outlet store in Kildare Village. I tend not to buy anything with a label at full price! :D
• Then of course it's my trust Steve Madden boots paired with a pair of green diamond tights stolen from my mother! My love for coloured tights is inherited!

So that's all I can fit in today! I'll try get more in tomorrow and find a better way to take pics of my outfits!

Thanks for reading!

Síomha XoxoX